jennuhhh's Xanga

What do you take for granted in life?

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 16:40:44 GMT

I had dinner with some friends once and they asked me what was the best, most special thing Jason had given me. Automatically, my initial response was to think of something material, and when I couldn't choose the most expensive, most glamourous thing I simply blurted out, "He doesn't really get me anything special!"

Looking back, it could've been the sangria that was talking...but even still, I couldn't believe the words that came out of my mouth. As hard as I say I'm trying to change, when I'm put on the spot, I cannot deliver. I felt so remorseful & materialistic. What sort of impression had I given my friends? I set myself up.

But really I do take his love for granted.
And it's the reason why we occasionally argue...it's all my fault really; demanding him to tell me something
instead of reading the show in between the lines.

But at the end of the day, when I say my prayers, I never fail to recognize him and all he's done for me. I've learned that although kicking a bad habit or trying to change may be quite difficult, it's important to acknowledge your flaws first. Bring them to the light. Make yourself feel guilty. The more you feel disgusted, the less you want to see yourself in that light, so you begin to change.

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

Control

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 02:00:30 GMT

Another new year. Yes. What to do!?

I've decided to make major changes. I'm going to learn to control my emotions and learn to hold myself back and use my head a little more. Cutting back on swearing. And calling everything a "douche bag". I'm going to stop recklessly spending, otherwise once I move in with my also reckless spender of a boyfriend, we're going to be HOMELESS. lol I'm going to start wearing more practical shoes when it's cold. LOL Sacrifices must be made! I've already ruined a fabulous pair of flats by wearing them out in the salty conditions. I must invest in boots! (Note that I said invest. Perhaps I shall wait this one out until next winter so my reckless spending can end...=P). I want that A in Nursing. For crying out loud it's my only damn class! It can't be that hard. My GPA is now 3.86...down a whole 0.11 point lol, which means I'm not having a social life for about 4 months =D.

I'm FINALLY signing up for a dance class or two. I'm going to grow my hair out and keep it HEALTHY. I'm going to take better care of my car. I will lose 5 more pounds and stay at my happy weight of 118 and KEEP it that way through the holiday season of 2008. lol. I will donate $5 to church every week. And I will control my silly mood swings and be a better girlfriend.

It's going to be a journey, but one well worth it, I'm sure. And I'm serious.

Hold On To Your Youth.

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 00:37:06 GMT

When I learned one of my youngest cousins had a girlfriend, it was a total surprise. I didn't know he was that kind of person yet...aren't they still in that phase where cooties exist?

Then I remembered that he was in 8th grade, and that he wasn't 7 anymore, but 14. I missed his last birthday party because of work. I hate letting moments like this slip away from me, because then so does reality!

I thought, well, this couldn't really be what it seems to be. So I do the facebook check. I get info from prying sources, like Jordy, lol, and see what it really is all about. So far, so legit...I guess. I thought back to when I was his age and then it hit me. That's when I had MY first boyfriend too, and I thought it was all that and everything more. Forgive the cheese, but I took it seriously! As naive as I was, I wanted to make it last, and when it didn't, I was upset. I felt feelings I'd never felt before.

My initial afterthoughts just brushed his relationship aside, but when I threw myself back into his perspective, I found myself in that "grown up" mentality, and shook my head at myself. I don't really know how to explain it, but I thought of this, one of my other cousin's favorite quotes:

"When adults say, 'Teenagers think they are invincible' with that sly, stupid smile on their faces, they don't know how right they are. We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. They forget that when they get old. They get scared of losing and failing. But that part of us greater than the sum of our parts cannot begin and cannot end, as so it cannot fail."

Enough said.

Friday, November 09, 2007

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 14:14:29 GMT

I feel like I'm not giving enough time in the days, weeks, months, for the One who loves me the most.

You know it's not Jason.

Lovely, with an Emphasis on Love.

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 01:29:04 GMT

So the anniversary date was totally unpredictable and unforgettable!! When he first gave me a clue about something pricey in Wicker Park, I thought: OMG! Shopping spree at the Free People boutique! LOL NOT! (See, I told you I have an addiction!) Instead, it was way better. A relaxing day at Fingers & Toes Spa where I received a half hour Swedish massage, minty facial, and a mani and pedi!! It was to die for, I swear!! I was so glad I was there and not at work, where I was supposed to be up on my toes for 10 rough hours. It was my first pedicure ever, and was well needed!! It fit in so perfectly, after midterm too! The woman giving me my facial noticed my huge pimple on my temple and right away asked if I had midterm yet. LOL!!

Then after I was freshened up and exfoliated, I got dressed and we headed to dinner downtown at Carnivale, Pan Latin-fusion place. At first, I really didn't know what to expect, since I'd never heard of it before, but once we got in and were seated, I was just like, "holy geez!"

This place was jumping! There was a full bar in one room, the dining room (above), and the dance hall. The food was impeccable and orgasmic. I could not stop giggling at how delicious everything was! I had the guacamole, emapanadas, and the arrachera, which is nothing like the Filipino version, and omg, I can't even explain to you the flavors and how good it was. Dessert was our waiter's recommendation, and it sounded sort of strange, but he was advocating it like MAD, so we gave in. Squash bread pudding with ginger ice cream. A limited edition fall dish. Hmm. Squash is one of my least favorite foods. Boo. But holy geez, I was proven wrong! I don't know what kind of wonderful creative minds they have working that kitchen at Carnivale, but I swear this dessert made me fall in love with squash! Even though I was stuffed, Jay and I downed it in a minute. And ginger ice cream is one of the most exotic things I've eaten in awhile. I want to go back, like, now! Too bad you have to wait ONE MONTH to get on the damn waiting list. I can see why .

I wanted to stay and dance off my belly, but Jay had something else planned that required us to be on time...hmm. It was orchestra seat tickets to WICKED!! lol which was wicked I tell you! To tell you the truth, I don't like the Wizard of Oz AT ALL. I think it's a creepy little movie with many hidden messages behind it. Eww, I'm scared just thinking about it; but Wicked was so lighthearted and cute! Jason laughed at me in the middle of the show since he caught me with my mouth was hanging open. There was never a dull moment and I loved every bit of it! It is totally a must-see!!

The entire date was just so remarkable, plus with each element, I'd been given a change of heart. This date really showcased not only how ballin' my boyfriend is, but also how much though he put into it. He knows how materialistic I am, and how I'm really in to finding change in my life, and this date provided no gift of material whatsoever; only a more open heart and mind to other elements of life I'd SO been missing out on.

The way to my heart is through my brain. LMAO. Thanks babe!!

My Addiction.

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 14:31:23 GMT

I read somewhere that there are many things that can manifest themselves as addictions. They nestle themselves in this little place in the brain called the "insula", and whenever something associated with that addiction makes itself present, the neurons in the insula fire like mad and give you that urge to -insert addiction here-.

Addictions are characterized by having an urge, fulfilling that urge, and then having temporary relief until the urge comes once again.

Sadly, my addiction is shopping. I'm being serious here! Sometimes I'll be at the most random place, like Ace Hardware or whatever, and even when I don't intend to buy anything AT ALL, I'll be at the counter with like 2 for $1 candies or something! Or like yesterday, I went to the HIP with my bro just for him to use the only Bank of America ATM in convenient distance to my house, and there I was standing in line at Forever21 with a damn scarf. . lol He was like, "I'm not even gone five minutes and you're buying something already." And I KNOW it's an addiction because there's this weird warm feeling that I get afterwards and I'm smiley and shit. AHHH!! lol It's so strange and I hate to admit it!!

I've got to get some brain damage to my insula or something. I need help. Somebody help me!!

You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello!

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 02:44:47 GMT

Whoa! I'm back, I know =P

So much has happened since the last entry and blah blah blah I know, I KNOW!

I cleaned up some old weblogs before hand in order to avoid awkward moments and stuff like that, but I absolutely love the pic in the entry before this one. LOL We never did have that Putty Day.

SIGH! Wasn't high school so long ago? I mentioned this to one of my older friends during clinical today and she laughed at me, since I'm the youngest in the entire bunch.

Nursing school is intense and is sucking me dry day by day, but I still manage to be me. I moisturize frequently to maintain freshness! lol As I administer care to my patients, I always get reality checks and my college life flashes before me. The concept of having someone's life in my hands is just something that takes time to grasp.
I had midterm evaluation today and sat with my teacher one-on-one. She had nothing to give but positive remarks about me. She also told me she thinks I've found myself. BALLER! lol Just when I've started to question that again, one of my superiors validates it for me, because I'm "consistent".

Speaking of consistency, I'm still with the same smelly BF I had three years ago! Just last week was our 3 year, and this Saturday, I've managed to slip in another off-day @ the restaurant, so we can go on our all-day date he's been planning for a couple of months now. So I've heard it's quite expensive. Like a pair of Jimmy Choo pumps expensive. It still bugs me that he's always trying to go all out, but I guess the fact that he's TRYING cancels out how much this date ends up costing...LOL. He's so great. I can't even number the times I've fallen in love with him again and again. He really knows how to do stuff up. Ahhh.

MY HOUSE! It's expanded! I should really put up pictures, but I have to finish reading three more chapters in my Pharmacology book, which I'll probably end up doing on the bus anyway. LOL. Those should be coming soon BTW.

Gosh. There are like at least 5 more topics I want to address. But I'm so damned fatigued! haha

I'm not the same old hard-core xangan I used to be.

...I wonder who'll read this...

Maybe I'll bring xanga back...??

Sunday, October 03, 2004

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 18:05:22 GMT

GO GO POWER RANGERS!!!

I think we should have putty day soon